DIET RECOVERY COACH BODY POSITIVE TRAINER EATING DISORDER COUNSELOR
Hi there, I am Lu-Lu, I am a 30 something fitness lover, globe trotter and food enthusiast. I want to share my story with you, not because it is a remarkable story, but it is a story that I believe so, too many can relate to.
I share my story because I hope that anyone who might be feeling sturggling with similiar challanges, please know that things do get better. I grew up in a rural town in NSW, an awkward teenager who spent most of the days watching The Simpson’s and eating Vegemite scrolls. I had no idea what fitness, nutrition or health was. I was a pretty miserable, unmotivated and depressed kinda kid. My first ever memory of trying to change my body was going jogging in cling wrap at age 16 with my friends.
My early 20’s were fueled by alcohol, coffee and Redbull. I drank and I partied when I came across the term Drunkorexia a few years ago I know that was exactly me. I would weigh myself daily and do 100 sit-ups before bed every night. I just wanted to stay skinny, because skinny was cool and I liked being the skinny chick.
There was never any deliberate or international harm, I was just completely misguided and I was no different than all my friends around me. I continued down this merry road, treating my body like a garbage bin, living life between drunk and hungover and eating not a lot to stay skinny as possible.
At age 26 I moved to Sydney and my lifestyle really started to change. I joined a Crossfit gym and for the first time in my life, I had a new hobby that wasn’t drinking. Slowly my love affair with fitness and exercise began, I loved feeling strong, energized and in control of my body after so many years of putting my health last. I tried to change my nutrition but instead of getting credible information I took guidance from other coaches, health and fitness magazines and anyone with an opinion.
I tried every single diet and shred out there, I still struggled with building a healthy relationship with food and my body, swinging between wanting to get stronger and wanting to stay as small as possible.
I got lean but it never lasted. Changing my body and obsessing over how lean I could get become something I felt I could control, something that gave me purpose and something that gave me that external validation I so desperately wanted and needed.
On the outside, everything looked normal, but on the inside, I was a HOT MESS. Because my diet and my body were all I thought about. Disordered eating was a big part of my life, I would swing from one extreme to the next, cutting cubs, exercising obsessively and meal prepping as if my life depended on it.
I mistakenly thought I could get the body of my dreams by white-knuckling, obsessing over everything I ate and using every ounce of willpower. Not only that the information I was using to guide me was outdated, wrong and just plain harmful. And nobody would bat an eyelid because EVERYONE was doing it. The obsession with dieting, health, and diet culture was all around me.
My personal become my professional whilst I juggled my two roles and my two identities as an Eating disorder counsellor and Personal trainer. There was no big aha moment, but many tiny actions of discomfort which pushed me out of the cycle of insecurity and unworthiness. I had to let go of many of the messages I had been fed over time about my worth as a female and a human. I had to learn how to rest, to let go of control and perfectionism and to learn how to feel my feelings. It took time, patience and a willingness to lean into all the things I avoided for so long.
My mission is to share my ups, my downs and my experience to help you build an amazing relationship with food and fitness.